What’s the key to good discipline?

The Key to Discipline: Giving students what they want!

We know it seems contrary to everything you’ve ever been taught about nurturing children, but the quickest way to achieve a well-disciplined classroom is to give your students (of any age) exactly what they have been wanting all along. Let us explain.

Garrido, a researcher in the field of children’s education, says it clearly: “Children quickly become restless when they are given peripheral material, but concentrate and settle down when given what they have been hungering for.” The problem is that if we don’t know what our students are hungering for, we end up giving them the peripheral materials that cause them to be restless, i.e. to not behave well.

So what is it that children really want…deep down inside? While each child might have his or her own items to add to the list, we believe that it is safe to say that all children of any age in every culture desire a few simple things:

• To be treated with respect.
• To be loved unconditionally.
• To be given safe boundaries.
• And to experience deep, meaningful relationship with God.

While many of us work hard to create lessons that are polished and presented with great flair, we believe that some simple elements in each session can improve overall behavior.

Start your class by lighting a candle. While this may sound too “churchy,” children are very aware of symbols and your weekly reminder that God, the Holy Spirit, is present in your classroom will have great impact on your students and the depth with which they approach what goes on there.

Spend a few minutes in silent prayer, just listening to God. Children often struggle with prayer because they think they have to come up with lots of big words. Ask your students to sit silently and simply listen for God’s still, small voice. Trust that God is willing and desiring to speak to your students and give him the chance. This very real connection with God combined with a quieting activity will help students focus.

Finally, engage students’ imagination in the Bible story.  Instead of the teacher deciding the point of the story and telling her students how to apply it, try asking open-ended questions and making statements that cause students to think.  Ask your students to “find themselves” in the story and then explain why they identified with a specific character.

Why do these approaches work? Each of these suggestions is designed to connect your students with God and God with your students…an essential  way to feed a child’s hunger.  But they also show the child that you and God both respect her, love her unconditionally, and are providing enough attention to keep her safe.

Give a child what he is hungering for, and he will be his best!

Why are we still losing kids?

Although pollsters can’t seem to agree on the exact percentage of kids who are dropping out of church in the “gap” between children’s ministry and youth ministry programs, we all know that the number is high.  Too high! 

While many ministry leaders have used creative ways to prepare kids for the transition by overlapping leadership teams or visiting each other’s classrooms, for years there has been a critical element missing: relationship. But we’re not talking about “relationships” with other students and ministry leaders. We’re talking about that most significant relationship of all, the child’s personal and transformative relationship with God.

We say that “true Christians” have a “relationship with Jesus.” But let’s be honest.  For most evangelicals, “relationship” simply means some unique standing I have that will get me into heaven for free.  That kind of relationship falls far short of the intimacy that we would want with any beloved human in our lives and will never be transformative in the child’s life, nor mine.

That’s where “spiritual formation” comes in.  For a few decades, leaders and ministries have focused on equipping volunteers to teach kids about God in the most effective ways possible.  While this is good, teaching kids “about” God is only one piece of the puzzle.  Spiritual formation engages kids with God.  That’s very different.

The principles of spiritual formation are ancient and involve practices that have been exercised by God’s people before and after Jesus’ day. When we set aside time for scripture reading, prayer, fasting, solitude…in ways that slow us down long enough to listen to what God is saying…we are opening ourselves to the transformation process.

Children can encounter God personally through spiritual formation practices, too. If we trust kids to want God and we strip away a few minutes of the “noise” at church so that our students and our Lord have time to talk.

In their book, Listening to Children on the Spiritual Journey, Catherine Stonehouse and Scottie May share their research involving children who had engaged in spiritual disciplines in their regular children’s worship.  Sam, a five-year old boy, tells them: “He just talks! He talks to us overnight, he talks to us, he never stops!” (p. 47).

Let’s not just change the name of our Christian education and discipleship programs to go with the new trend of spiritual formation.  Let’s expose ourselves to the same spiritual transformative disciplines that helped Jesus as he grew in wisdom and stature.  Then let’s share them with our children and students, trusting that a real God can and will speak to children who can and will listen. That relationship will keep kids coming back.

What can kids do? KidZ KaN…

While American churches are doing more than ever before for children, the most important thing we can do for our kids is to help them discover what they can do for others!

In the words of that great philosopher, Dr. Seuss, “A person’s a person, no matter how small.” But just as the Whos needed Horton to stop and listen to them, so do our kids! KidZ KaN…make a difference! And they want to make a difference.

KidZ at Heart International is not a “foreign” missions agency. We are a mission for God’s kids, here and there! And we are passionate about equipping families in North America to reach and teach their own children for Christ.

And that’s why KidZ at Heart International is inviting you and the families of your church to register for our brand new KidZ KaN for Families program. Each month, your family will get easy-to-use tools to help you stop and listen to one another as you tour the world. You’ll receive creative, flexible activities that will help your whole family gain a heart for God’s work around the world!

In their landmark study, Search Institute tells us that “four family practices are particularly important in helping young people grow in faith:

1. Talking about faith with your mother.
2. Talking about faith with your father.
3. Having family devotions or prayer.
4. Doing family projects to help other people.”

And now your family can explore all four of these faith-formation factors through the creative activities of KidZ at Heart’s KidZ KaN for Families.  Each month, you will receive an electronic newsletter focused on a new country and packed with creative ideas for you to use at your own pace, including:

• “Make It” (create a family memento or do a project together);
• “Play It” (enjoy a cultural game);
• “Pray It” (gather to pray for the real needs of real children);
• “Read It” (explore life in-country through a story);
• “Taste It” (follow a kid-friendly recipe to make a cultural dish).

KidZ KaN makes a great Christmas gift for your own family, your grandkids or your friends! Subscribe to KidZ KaN today for just $22 for the first year and get age-appropriate activities and discussion ideas that will easily fit into your busy family life. Know that this small investment will help fund ministries to children around the world, through the work of KidZ at Heart International.

KidZ at Heart wants to help you maximize those special moments with your family – and give your kids a heart for the world.